"Okay, If You Say So"

Well, as exciting as it sounds, God has fulfilled my prayers and more. I prayed that He would provide me with just something that I could call a family and a place I could call "my house," but He provided me with a little sister, a fun loving mother and father, and a kitchen to call my own. Sure, I am still scared to death at all this new, well, everything. I have a new caregiver, a new school, and I'm finding, a new strength.

Piece by piece, God is putting my life together, with lots of bumps and obstacles it seems. Sometimes I wonder if that certain piece He has in His hand is going to fit right, because it never looks like it will. But with a shrug of the shoulders and a doubtful "okay, if you say so" attitude, my trust in Him is struggling more and more.

As a blessing comes along, an answered prayer, there is another obstacle right after it.
Seaquam, my old school, was a linear(day1/day2) system, so now that I am moving to a semester school system, all the stuff I had done since September is lost, along with my credits for those eight classes.
Sullivan Heights is the new school and their second semester doesn't start until February 1 and if I go into a different school that DOES have a linear system, I am unable to start until third term starts or until the new year starts...sigh.
As much as I leave it up to my Father, I still worry. I am able to maintain some credits from the courses I have A's, but other than that...POOF!!!

As I sit here typing, all the doors I thought I had open are starting to close. Of course I am somewhat happy where I am, but that family piece won't be filled and I know that and have to accept it. When I was with my friend for those two months of, well, procrastination really, I saw what family was like, and I didn't really understand what I was feeling, but now I know: JEALOUSY. I pray to God that He will help me accept the life HE had chosen for me. But the encouragement just really isn't there anymore. Sometimes I feel our relationship is stronger than ever, and others, I feel like this.

I am surrounded by decisions I don't even know how to make, questions I don't know how to answer, and people I wish would stay still for one moment.
I was told that I was a living testimony of God's amazing power, and I hope I can hold on to that. I live to encourage others, and to serve God, and it kills me inside when I find myself doubting for even a second because that is what I tell others not to do.

I WILL NOT GIVE UP. He knows my limits, He knows my break point, He knows my weaknesses, but most of all, He knows when to pull me up.

Dear God, help me to remain pure at heart and to resist these impulses led by doubt and self-reliance. Let me be content in the life I've chosen, so that I may serve You always with pure heart and spirit. Help me strengthen our relationship, Father, because it is in you that I find true salvation and belonging.

Gabrielle