I Wish I Could

I guess I have been waiting for this day; a day I have not been looking forward too; the day that has been procrastinating its own arrival for 4 months. I knew everything was going to sink in eventually, but when, I didn’t think I needed to care. It’s like a huge invisible freight train that slowly comes up behind you and at the last second, kicks into full speed.

I wish I could answer a phone call with their familiar voices asking me to come back.

I wish I could say “I love you” to my parents and hold them close before bed.

I wish I could see the laughter in my dad’s eyes as we exchange our silent inside jokes whenever we were in trouble.

I wish I could be in the passenger seat, just me and my mom, the silence saying more than words.

I wish I could go back to when I was 4 and you wrapped your arms around me when I asked why I was with you.

I wish I could live to impress you.

I wish I could have told you anything.

I wish I could tell my brother how proud of him I am.

I wish I could let my brother know that he was my best friend.

I wish I could sleep in my bed, knowing we are all under the same roof.

I wish I could stand on the other side of the door of my home, instead of standing on the outside looking in.

I wish I could have been stronger.

I wish I could get the consequences 100x more, just to feel your touch.

I wish God would provide me with his reason.

I wish I could have made you proud.

I wish I could have been the “better” you always wanted me to be.

I wish I could love you all over again.

I wish I could go back.

I wish I could go back.

Father Please.

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